The twins survived their first week of school. They love it. Just like pro's...we pull into the circle, they hop out, "bye mom, love you" and they are gone! I am glad that they are excited, but I am feeling very empty.
One of the hardest things about loosing Ella, was that I have had to realize that my twins are my youngest. That was not expected, we always knew we would have another baby after Liv and Al. So, to go from "baby" mode, to "my babies are in Kindergarten" has been hard.
I love the freedom in the afternoon, and one of these days, I will use the time productively instead of taking a nap.
My best friend from Junior High just had a baby. He is so cute. I have not seen this friend for several years, probably 4?? But I am so happy for her and their newest family member. BUT, I am so sad. Instead of being able to talk about babies, and what stage mine is at, and how hers is, I feel this void that I can't fill. I am capable of having conversations with people...but suddenly I feel all alone and outcast.
My bishop, who lost his 15 year old daughter several years ago, has told me: It's like belonging to an exclusive club that you didn't want to join, and can never get out of.
That about sums it up.
