Why?

Why another blog? I want a place to share my sadness and triumphs. I need a place to share my frustration, anger and tears. I also need a place to celebrate me, when I do good. My family blog is about my family. This blog is for my "Daily Stresses".

August 19, 2009


Tonight, I am feeling sorry for myself. I have a horrible life! OK, not really. The boys are having a 2-night sleepover at my Auntie Raine's, so I thought the twins could watch a movie on Hudson's bed (the TV is temporarily in there), and have their own sleepover.

But, as usual, that didn't happen. They fought, and yelled and spit (newest form of annoying each other). So, then we had to wrestle to bed, and fight and settle all the "It's not fairs"... So, I feel like a failure of a mom, and my kids did NOT have a fun movie night, and I want to burst into tears.

Please tell me I am not the only horrible mother out there!

July 28, 2009

Poem without a Name

To those who look away
when I grow teary-eyed in the baby department,
look a little deeper.
Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those who change the subject
when we speak our baby's name,
change your way of thinking.
It just might change your whole life.

To those who roll their eyes and say
that we barely had her at all,
how could we miss her so much,
in our hearts we have seen her live a thousand times.
We have seen her first steps,
her first day of school,
her wedding, and her children.
We have had her forever in our minds.

To those who say we can have another, we did.
I thank God for that everyday,
but even if I have twenty more babies,
I will forever have one in the grave,
and that is one too many.

To those who say to get on with my life, I have.
It is a different life,
the life of a grieving mother.
One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for,
but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of!

Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young,
but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks,
she cleans, she works,
she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

Do not dismiss us;
we have shaped more than just the future generation.
We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.
Open your eyes to US,
and you just might see THEM.

-Author Unknown

July 13, 2009

Ella Marie


Today marks the 7 month anniversary of my Ella's birth, and death. I miss her so much.