Happy Birthday Ella

Turn on your sound, grab your tissues.
Brandon, thank you for doing this for me and our Ella.
Merry Christmas everyone!

Christmas is coming...

I am sitting at work, with instructions to take the rest of my day playing around. So, I just uploaded some Christmas music for our family blog. I love Christmas music. However, I am now sobbing. I am not ready to face Christmas, and missing my mom. I don't want to remember this time last year. I don't want to think about my Ella not being here to open presents.

I have such a love-hate relationship with Christmas. I am able to do the fun things with the kids, and put on a brave face, even when it is really hard. For that I am grateful.

But, be cheery, and listen to the music on www.whitehousehappiness.blogspot.com maybe it will bring some warm fuzzies into your day!!!!

We are coming up on the 1 year anniversary of Ella's birth. I have mixed emotions. I cannot believe that a whole year has past, and that I am surviving. I miss her everyday, and wish that things had ended the way we planned, but I am more comfortable with my "new reality".

Christmas always comes with a bit of sadness for me. This year I have one more thing to think about. I am grateful to have my 4 wonderful (mostly) kids, and their smiles and laughs to keep me going. It would be easy to give up if I didn't have them to live for!

I love you, my darling 5 children. I am so blessed to be your mom. I miss you Ella, but it doesn't hurt the way it did...and I know you have helped with that. I love you mom, please take care of my baby for me.

I will get through this next 2 months because I know that I am not alone. My friends and family keep me going, and I love you for that!

Thank you, everyone, for all you do.